I think all people experience this feeling in varying degrees of severity.
The anticipatory cloud of some obligation; responsibility; work; etc. These tend to grow in number and size as we get older; or maybe it just feels that way.
Avalanche of grad school papers due. It’s the proverbial albatross. It’s almost done, though. Summer is going to be AWESOME.
It’s going to be my first foray into full-time writing. I can’t wait. It’s hard for me to get into the emotional and mental place to write right now with all the mire and muck of soul-sucking grad school work haranguing me.
But even summer will come with pressure. I want to try and write BOOK 2 by the end of summer. I want to have a daily word count to achieve. I want to be very industrious at writing efficiently every day.
It’s worth reminding myself that I love writing because of the joy it brings me; not because it’s a grind. So while I want to be very diligent, I don’t want to turn it into the kind of thing I hate. It’s a delicate balance.
So why by the end of summer? Because I know next semester of grad school will surely bury me again. I hate the feeling that my book/WIP is just stagnating while I do some other crap. Weight of future responsibility hovering nearby once more.
Ya gotta let go. I’ve got to let go. The only life without responsibilities is the loneliest one. Far better to embrace the reality that there always be something ahead of you, and that really, in truth… it is a good thing.
Relax, Evan. Trust yourself that you will do everything needed of you. Stressing out about it is meaningless.
Just a written reminder to myself. A week from now I’ll re-read this and relax again. Now if only I could remember. Or make it a natural response!